Part 1 of “Evolution of Personality” covered that changes in personality do happen. In part 2, we covered how external events (like growing up, getting married and carrying on your genetic line) change our personality. Now it’s time to cover how internal changes drive our personality.
If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably wondering, “Ed, are you saying I can just decide to change who I am?” To which I respond, “Well, obviously not. If it were that easy, I’d have already decided to be taller, better looking, and less prone to making lists in my writing. And please, call me ‘Edward’, because we’re friends now and no one who actually knows me calls me ‘Ed’.” But while we can’t just flip a switch and become someone else entirely (despite what the song “Turn It Off” might say from the otherwise completely accurate musical “Book of Mormon”), we can indeed take steps to shape our personality over time.
The “I Think I Can” Method
As Watty Piper moraled at us in the childhood self-help book disguised as a fairy tale “The Little Engine That Could,” there might be something to that whole “power of positive thinking” thing. It’s basically the adult version of telling yourself “I think I can” until you actually do.
The idea is that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all interconnected. By changing one, we can influence the others. So, if you’ve always thought of yourself as shy, you might try challenging that belief and gradually changing your behavior. Before you know it, you’ll be the life of the party. (Results may vary. Side effects may include awkward small talk and the inexplicable urge to discuss the weather and local sports team with strangers.)
Of course, positive thinking isn’t a magic bullet. It’s more like a Nerf gun in the arsenal of personality change – it might not be the most vicious weapon out there, but it’s a lot better than going in unarmed. And hey, even if it doesn’t transform you into a social butterfly overnight, at least you’ll have spent some time thinking nice thoughts about yourself. That’s got to count for something, right?
The “Fake It Till You Make It” Approach
This method is less about changing who you are and more about convincing everyone else (including yourself) that you’ve already changed. It’s like cosplay, except instead of dressing up as Deadpool, you’re dressing up as a more confident/organized/extroverted version of yourself. I suppose it’s a form of gaslighting (but in a good way?).
The theory goes that if you act like the person you want to be for long enough, eventually it stops being an act. It’s basically method acting for your personality. (Warning: Do not attempt to method act as Deadpool. That way lies madness and forgetting for most of every movie that you’re married to the goddess-on-Earth, Morena Baccarin.)
The “Surround Yourself with Better People” Technique
You’ve probably heard the saying (attributed to Jim Rohn): “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This is why I surround myself by extremely intelligent and funny people: to up my personality batting average. (Speaking of relevant motivational speaker quotes, here’s another relevant one: “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.”)
But jokes aside (let’s pretend for a second that’s possible in my writing), there’s some truth to this idea. We tend to absorb traits, habits, and attitudes from those around us. So, if you want to be more motivated, hang out with motivated people. If you want to be more creative, surround yourself with artists. If you want to be more sarcastic… well, you’re probably reading the right blog post.
The “New Experiences” Method
Remember how in Part 2 we talked about how moving to a new place can change your personality? Well, you don’t actually have to pack up and move to Timbuktu to get that effect. (Although if you do, send a postcard. I hear it’s lovely this time of year.)
Simply exposing yourself to new experiences can help reshape your personality. Try a new hobby, travel to a place you’ve never been, or learn a new skill. Each new experience is like a little software update for your brain, gradually reshaping how you think and behave (and hopefully the update doesn’t blue-screen-of-death your brain).
For instance, I once decided to try taking an improv workshop. It didn’t make me funnier (as you can probably tell), but it did make me more comfortable with public speaking and better at thinking on my feet. Yes, I’m glad I did it and it also gave me a newfound appreciation for heckler-free audiences.
The “Mindfulness” Approach
Mindfulness is all about being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in the present moment. It’s like being your own personal narrator, except instead of the God-like Morgan Freeman, it’s just you. (Sorry about that.)
By practicing mindfulness, you can become more aware of your personality traits and how they manifest in your daily life. This awareness is the first step to change. After all, it’s hard to fix something if you don’t know it’s broken. (Not that your personality is broken. It’s probably just… in need of some routine maintenance.)
The “Set Concrete Goals” Strategy
Setting specific, achievable goals can help drive personality change especially if those goals become habits. Want to be more organized? Set a goal to clean your desk every day. Want to be more outgoing? Set a goal to strike up a conversation with one new person each week. Want to be less facetious? Well, I can’t help you there. Some traits are just too deeply ingrained.
The key is to start small. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your new personality won’t be either. (Although now I kinda want to write an AI-powered app that lets you reset your personality to factory settings in a day.)
The “Practice Makes Perfect” Method
Like any skill, personality traits can be practiced and improved over time. Want to be more empathetic? Practice active listening. Want to be more assertive? Practice setting boundaries. Want to be funnier? Practice writing blog posts about personality change. (Results not guaranteed, but tendencies to overuse parenthetical expressions are.)
The more you practice a trait, the more natural it becomes. Eventually, it stops feeling like practice and starts feeling like… well, you.
The “Physical Change” Approach
Remember in Part 2 when we talked about how physical changes can affect personality? Well, you can use that to your advantage. Exercise, for instance, has been shown to boost mood and increase confidence. A healthier diet can improve energy levels and cognitive function. And a good night’s sleep can make you less likely to snap at your coworkers when they ask you for the fifteenth time how to replace the f-ing toner in the GD-printer, and yes, I’m talking about you, Kevin.
Just be careful not to take this too far. Changing your hair color might make you feel more confident, but it’s probably not going to fundamentally alter your personality. (Unless you go for something like electric blue, then all bets are off.)
The “Therapy” Option
Sometimes, the best way to change your personality is with professional help though this has to be initiated and driven by you. A therapist can provide guidance, support, and strategies tailored to your specific needs and goals. They can also help you uncover the root causes of traits you want to change, which can be crucial for long-term success.
Plus, therapy gives you a designated time and place to talk about yourself without feeling guilty. It’s like having a blog, but with less public scrutiny and more actionable advice.
The “Embrace Who You Are” Non-Method
M-Night-Shyamalan-level-back-when-he-was-good-level-plot-twist: sometimes the best way to change your personality is to stop trying to change your personality. Radical acceptance can be a powerful tool for personal growth. By accepting yourself as you are, you remove the pressure and anxiety that often come with trying to change, which paradoxically can make change easier.
This doesn’t mean you stop growing or improving. It just means you approach change from a place of self-love rather than self-criticism. It’s the difference between “I need to change because I’m not good enough” and “I’m good enough, and I’m excited to see how I can grow.”
In Conclusion (Finally, Because Yeesh, This Guy Can Babble)
Changing your personality is a bit like trying to renovate your house while you’re still living in it. It’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, you might end up getting divorced, and sometimes you’ll wonder why you ever started. But if you stick with it, you might just end up with a better living space. Or in this case, a better you.
Remember, personality change is a marathon, not a sprint. (Unless you’re changing into a sprinter. Then it might be a sprint, in which case, invert the metaphor.) It takes time, effort, and a healthy dose of patience. But the good news is, you’ve already taken the first step by reading this far. (Unless you just skipped to the end. In which case… well played.)
So go forth and evolve, dear reader. Try new things, challenge old beliefs, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself along the way. After all, if we can’t change our personalities, what hope do we have of ever becoming the people our dogs think we are?
And that brings to a wrap this three-part series. Unless I come up with some idea that inspires me to write a fourth-part, because like our personalities, I’m allowed to change over time too.
