Is personality static once we hit adulthood, does it change based on the situation we’re in at the time, does it evolve over time, or does it suddenly change based on an external event? The answer, as any good personality consultant will tell you, is “it depends.” There are some people who act and respond late in life pretty much the same as they did when they were old enough to legally drive. Other people are fairly static at home, but they’re a seemingly different person in their work life, or at a funeral, or when intoxicated to levels that would kill most people from alcohol poisoning. Still others stay the same until they meet a new person, move to a new place, find a new occupation, get hit in the head by a new bowling ball, or some other external influence impacts them (in the head).
Personality does evolve over time. It might evolve a little, it might evolve a lot, but it does evolve. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest of the USA and I was an extremely shy kid who preferred his own thoughts to the outside world (except for girls, if I’m being honest, because teenagers and their hormones). I spent the summers being a carnie (my dad ran concessions at fairs, rodeos, and such) and the schoolyear being a very bored, straight-A student (who dated a lot of girls whose names rhymed with “Gee!”). I went off to college at sixteen and learned to formulate my own thoughts, vigorously defend them, and rally people to my side of the argument. I changed from liking all girls to liking one (my ex/late wife, Melissa) but there were times when I didn’t want to be alone because being the life of the party can be fun. I got into dancing, singing, and for a while, even had my own late night radio show (on the college radio station: we mostly played Weird Al and other songs I first heard on the Dr. Demento show).
I got married not long after and took on the personality of loving father, because – and this is an incontrovertible fact which any father will back me up on – my kids are awesome. I loved watching them change and turn into little mini-adults. I spent a few years working for The Man (without even looking it up, it was the 1990’s, so ya, it was almost definitely a man) and learning how to survive in a corporate environment. I found a political side that I did now know existed (and while that side of my personality was there from 1992 to 1997, it never really stuck, because politics destroys the soul).
Eventually, I moved to Dallas, started a company at the hubrisly young age of twenty-two, and became a father – of sorts – to many. I embraced the role of CEO and began a life of consulting, leading, selling, presenting, and being quick to make decisions with incomplete information. Now I’m living in Puerto Rico, thrilled to be married to my wife, Dawn, and though I still start companies, these days I crave new experiences and living life to its fullest. I am now happily the person I want to be, though I admit that I probably thought I was the person I wanted to be at every one of those stages too.
So, my personality definitely evolved. I am – and not just at a biological level – not the person I was at 15. But does it inevitably drift as we get older, or does it change because something affects us causing us to change? Going back through my personal story, I mentioned stages of my life that coincided with different “personalities”: teenage years, college, marriage, fatherhood, corporate life, running a company, and my newest life with Dawn in Puerto Rico. When I look back, going into each new stage either required a change in my personality or being in that new stage allowed me to find a new aspect of my personality as I grew older. Did the circumstances change me, or did I adapt to the circumstances? If I had stayed in the Pacific Northwest, would I have stayed the shy, introvert? Did going to college change me or did my personality blossom at college?
Forgetting physical things like brain injury (which can – rather suddenly – change your personality), there seem to be several situations or circumstances that cause our personality to change (be it for the good, the worse, or the nonjudgmental neither). Aging, getting married, parenthood, major life events, moving, chronic stress/trauma, career changes, and substance abuse can all change our priorities, values, and behaviours. Those are mostly external events changing who we are, but we also sometimes just want to change. We set some more goals for personal growth, or we decide to overcome issues in therapy not because we’re forced to, but because we want to. The last category is why I believe that personality change is not only possible, it should be encouraged.
Our best days are ahead of us, because we can take control of our situations. We can decide who we are and who we want to be, because we are not just products of our environment. While our personalities do shape us, we also shape our personalities. In part 2 of this series, we’ll delve into some of those situations that change us, and in part 3, we’ll get to how we can change ourselves. See you, in whatever form your personality happens to take at the time, as we continue our exploration of “The Evolution of Personality”.
